


Robert's thoughts and feelings in the affair era

by Daily_Scenarios



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Affair era, Canon Compliant, Feelings, M/M, Missing Scene, Realization, basically it's about robert's thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-10
Updated: 2019-06-10
Packaged: 2020-04-24 03:49:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 891
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19165219
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Daily_Scenarios/pseuds/Daily_Scenarios
Summary: "First impressions matter, people say. If it's true, Robert Sugden was in big trouble from the moment he exchanged words with Aaron Livesy."Or...This is how messed up Robert's head must have been before and during the affair. All the denial, and the repressed feelings... basically I wrote down in actual words what we all saw in his eyes during these times. This fic doesn't cover all of his feelings, but it's a little something about what his mindset was like.





	Robert's thoughts and feelings in the affair era

First impressions matter, people say. If it's true, Robert Sugden was in big trouble from the moment he exchanged words with Aaron Livesy. He seemed so sure about himself... this Aaron... and he wasn't afraid of a little verbal abuse right into Robert's face. It surprised him to be honest because not many people dared to talk back like that. At least no one...until he met him. He was fascinated by Aaron's persona.

He didn't think about it at first.... well not much. He had eyes, he could see how gorgeous he looked... but.... he was straight of course. It's not a big deal, he can find another man good looking, it didn't matter. It didn't mean anything. At least that's what he told himself.... at first.

The point where he couldn't deny his attraction anymore, was when Aaron smacked him into the wall, telling him to shove his money and to stay away from him. That was the first time Robert couldn't deny his feelings. At least not for a good few minutes. He still tried to brush it off, like it was nothing, but the semi in his pants said otherwise. He was so turned on, and all Aaron did was a little violence. Robert laughed it off. For all he knew, Aaron was straight, and this whole thing was ridiculous. And of course it didn't even matter because he got Chrissie, and there were lots of other women... - and men occasionally - whom he can get without even lifting a finger.

 

He knew the facts but... it was still hard to _not_ think about it. There was something about this man... and Robert had a feeling Aaron would surprise him in some way. He knew he had to get a hold on his curiosity... and he managed to do it quite well. Until Aaron told him he was gay. That changed lots of things. For example his chances at coming onto him. Because he was thinking about it ever since he laid eyes on him. Even more so after that encounter with the money. Of course, he was! He thought it's a pity he's probably straight. But now.... knowing that he wasn't...

Robert knew he had opportunities. He also knew Aaron found him at least half fit. It all made sense now. Because he watched him. Watched him as Aaron tried to steal a look when he thought Robert wasn't looking. Basically, he was checking him out, and Robert knew what it meant. If he was honest, he saw him doing it even before he knew Aaron was gay, but he didn't think it could be relevant. What were the chances, right? Well, now everything has changed. Aaron was available, and Robert couldn't pretend anymore. He knew he could get him, and this fact gave him an itch he was desperate to scratch.

 

He spent hours just thinking about it. How he would do it... would it be worth it... to have a thing right in the village... where he was supposed to stay for the foreseeable. But no matter how many pros and cons he came up with, he ended up with the same decision. There was no way he could ignore Aaron. He didn't care about Chrissie, she wouldn't find out... never had in the past, and Robert had some dodgy one night stands along the years.

 

What he didn't know is the realization that hit him only after his first time with Aaron. He half expected it, but still, it came as a surprise... he wanted _more._ One night just wasn't enough. And it never happened before. He shagged whomever he wanted, but he never felt the need to have a repeat performance. He got it out of his system, and that was it. But with Aaron... something was different. The whole thing was on another level, and Robert didn't understand what was going on. He only knew that he had to have him again... and again.

 

 _That's crazy._ \- he thought to himself during that week on Home Farm. Aaron had to show his face at home, in case Chas would be suspicious, and it gave some time to Robert to think. To just think it through. _He's not even that good._ \- a lie – _I've had better_ – another lie. “Fuck.” - he whispered as he ran a hand through his hair. He had him more than he could count on both hands, and it still wasn't enough. He wanted more. The night before, he gave Aaron all the control, for the first time in his life, and he couldn't explain the reason why. Or... he couldn't think about it rather. Deep down he started to understand weeks ago, that perhaps this man means more to him than he ever wanted to. There must be an answer to why he was the first thing on his mind in the morning and the last one before he went to sleep beside Chrissie. There had to be a reason. And Robert was smart enough to know it. But he was also a coward. And sometimes he truly believed that if he wasn't thinking about it, it was like it never happened. If he told himself enough times, it'd be true. So he did. He told himself over, and over again... _Aaron means nothing_. But why was it not working?

 

 

 


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